February 2012
24 posts
me: -trying to sleep-
brain: lol no. remember that embarrassing moment that happened to you today.
brain: oh, you also forgot to do your homework.
brain: no one will ever love you.
brain: you have to pee.
k1ss:
I’m so uncomfortable
me: I'm gonna study when I get home
me: I'll just study before I go to bed
me: I'll just study in the morning
me: I'll just study on the way to school
me: I'll just study in this class
me: I'll just study in the hall
me: I'll just study before the test
me: I'll just study during the test
Watchwwiao:
aww you guys i found my journal from grade 2
Watchgothbaby:
stupidgaydumb:
my friend was bored at art class and she took this video of the teacher and used some special fx app omfg
why am i crying
Cop: This is going to sound so awkotaco but we recovered your daghter's corpse
favoritepanties:
When you wake up, and you’re like:
and when you get into the shower, and it’s like:
and then you walk downstairs, and it’s all like:
and you have your breakfast, and you’re just like:
then you walk out the door and your ride isn’t there, so you’re all:
and you call you friend, and they’re all:
and you finally just go back to bed thinking:
unfreshing:
There’s literally no way to tell how many chameleons are in your house
Disney Executive 1: Should we make a new movie?
Disney Executive 2: No, everyone loves 3D with all their heart and souls so instead of making new movies lets just re-release every movie we've ever made in 3D.
Disney Executive 1: That sounds like a great idea *Wipes his ass with a stack of money*
Disney Executive 2: Thanks *Tears a stack of 100 dollar bills in half*
No Fap February.... I QUIT
3rd grade
friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
OH
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
January 2012
15 posts
Playing With Telemarketers
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah.
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: *click*
Me: Omg, you're such a good cuddler.
Pillow:
Pillow:
Pillow:
Pillow:
Me: Shhh. Don't speak.
blessedshoosh:
welcome to the neopets economy
teenager: i got my permit!
every single adult: WHOAHOH I BETTER STAY OFF THE ROADS NOW
Status: I just had a sandwich. It was delicious.
Comment (from relative over the age of 40): Hello Jim! I hope you're doing fantastic down where you are. I was just looking through some old pictures of you as a child and realized just how precious you were. LOL! When are you coming back up to visit? Your Uncle Jeff and I can't wait to see you again. We've got plenty of chores for you to do up here to help around the house. LOL! Just kidding Jim! How's your mother? I hope you're helping her out and being a good kid! But I have nothing to worry about, you're always a great kid! LOL! Hope all is well.
wwiao:
boys are so dumb omg i told them i would blow them if they acted like my toe was a dick and like sucked on it and they both totally did then i kicke them in the face and called them gross and told everyone at the party what happened
December 2011
87 posts
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me: wow ur teeth are like stars!
hobo: thank you!
me: so yellow and distant from each other
hobo cries and i walk away in my long fur coat while get out (leave) by jojo plays
Watchthis is perfect
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me: i'm so lonely omg i just want someone to talk at me
someone: hey
me: no not you